Planetary Anxiety

Anyone that knows me knows i’m a huge fan of Ariana Grande and recently i was watching one of her interviews which got me thinking more about astrology. I don’t want to discuss whether or not it’s real but more so my relationship with it and why i’ve decided it’s something i can’t follow more closely than zodiac signs and the occasional compatibility check.

To preface this topic, i think it’s important to say that overall, i don’t consider myself to be an anxious person (i have a few triggers here and there i guess) but for day to day i like to think i’m pretty confident and self assured. I also don’t believe in an all-being god that makes decisions for everyone’s lives. If i had to label my belief it would most closely align with pantheism. Pantheism is simply summed up as “the universe is god. So is the Earth and nature, and you and me” there’s a lot more to it but i don’t even follow this so closely and don’t feel the need to define it further. Both of these facts about myself are relevant to the topic of astrology for different reasons that will make sense as we go.

If you’re not familiar with astrology beyond typical star signs and mercury retrograde or whatever else i apologize because i’m not going to give you a crash course, however, i will try to help with an extremely elementary idea of what it is. Unless you live in a major city with light pollution and never left, i assume you’ve seen stars. Those stars have a position in the sky based on where the earth is, when you’re born the snapshot of the sky for your date, time, and locations are squished into this circle divided into 12 parts (12 because there are 12 zodiac constellations). Each planet moves through each zodiac position in our sky as they orbit the sun at their various speeds (this part is important). There’s also degrees and houses and a whole bunch of other stuff that’s not really important but this is what gives you your birth chart and how the stars might impact you at any given moment. (Was this a crash course? That was too much typing).

Anyways, the sky didn’t freeze the day you or i were born, planets continue to move, and so does our sky. If you don’t believe in astrology at all, that’s fine i’m not here to convince you but humor me for just a moment. Do you know how the tides in the ocean work? They are caused by the gravitational pull of our moon. With that i’d say, at the very least, the moon may potentially have some sort impact on us. How could it not? So if you’re willing to accept that the rest of the planets could do something similar, even if only for the duration of my already-too-long-post, that would be helpful.

So now that you’ve got this tiny history of me, and an accidental crash course of astrology birth charts, let’s get to the point without getting into planetary specifics though because that’s too much and i’ll lose even the one person i’m certain will read this. (If anyone else is still here i’m genuinely shocked). I used to associate with people who followed and studied astrology on a level that i never had. They could tell you the meaning of every planet in every position and degree of a birth chart. They knew exactly when all the big events were happening and even made major life decisions based on what astrology said for that time. People that wouldn’t date certain star signs or even be open to the idea. They wouldn’t sign contracts or leases, no relationship decisions, only travelling when the stars were favorable and so on. Did you know they can even tell you where you should live for better career opportunities or whatever else. Someone even went so far as to say the reason my cousin passed away when and how she did was “because of mars’ position in the sky that day.” Can i swear here? I don’t do it often but “uh fuck off????” is my thought about that. Now, remember when i said i didn’t believe in god? Following something this strictly made me uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea that my entire existence should be done by following the “rules” of something else like this. It feels like a closed-minded way of existing.

Like i said, i never got so into following “the laws of the sky” (i made that up idk what else to call it) but even being close enough to know what was going on stressed me out (it still does when i catch wind of the latest happenings in the sky). Planets that are supposed to impact relationships, career, or personal health were the worst. If a relationship is going to fail because of the stars then idk, that’s depressing. Like more so than real reasons i think, you’re telling me we were destined to fail? So the relevance to that interview that i watched, and me being stressed out, is something called a Saturn return. To understand this better, your birthday is called a solar return. One year around the sun, back into the same position in your birth chart as when you were born. Each planet has a return every- however-long it takes them to orbit the sun. Saturn, mr. tough love, takes about 29.5 years to orbit the sun, so in one’s life, you’ll experience a Saturn return every 29.5 years. The second one you experience, around 60, can also be known as a midlife crisis. If you remember, i just turned 29, right before watching this video that reminded me of this major astrological event in my life.

I keep saying this but I’ll eventually write about what i went through these past two years and how none of it was easy on me (don’t worry, there won’t be astrology in that one). The astrology experts say that the returns and retrogrades (i’m not talking about those, too much effort) have a shadow. This basically means the effects are felt some years before and after. So were the past few years a pre-shadow of this dreaded Saturn return. Saturn returns apparently are here to teach you a lesson with tough love and everything that sounds absolutely horrifying to someone that’s had a really rough few years. A million words ago in this post i said your chart (the circle divided into 12) contains houses. Houses are also divided in some way that i don’t understand entirely in the chart too. Something about planetary degrees i don’t know, the point here is that in my chart, Saturn is in the 5th house. Fifth house as i understand it is relationships, creativity, the self, and your children (i don’t have and don’t want these). This terrifies me because something that’s supposedly going to be harsh to me, in an area that involves relationships? I don’t like this. I know that “relationships” don’t always mean romantic and can probably be anyone but my most valued relationship currently is the romantic one in my life. I am the happiest i’ve ever been, I feel safe, and accepted for who i am, and some planet could be coming to shake things up is quite unsettling. I hate the idea of it and i hope that either astrology is fake or of it’s not, that it won’t be harsh to me. I want who I have forever.

Everyone has Saturn in their chart at a different degree in a different house so everyone’s experiences will be different. I can ask “what happened when you were 29 or 60” and maybe decide if that sounded miserable or great. For those that didn’t watch the interview, Ariana talks about having gone through hers. Obviously she’s a major pop star so landing a role in wicked and feeling fulfilled in that isn’t how mine will go, but she also recently got divorced and got dragged online for being a “home wrecker” so, who is to say.

If you’re here, i’m amazed, I don’t even want to proofread this because it’s so long. I might not, no one will read all this. The tldr here is that astrology gives me unnecessary anxiety and uncertainty in my decisions and days to come. I don’t want to feel like everything i’ve worked for, and find fulfilling or joyful to crumble away with some lesson. I don’t want to second guess based on what’s happening in the sky either. I don’t want to feel like my healthiest relationship is going to be threatened by some sky-daddyesque lesson. So i try my hardest to ignore astrology because i’ve got other things to worry about, but sometimes i’m reminded it exists and probably not for the best.

See ya,

p.s i absolutely did not go back and proofread

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