Rambling Excuses

I’ve already talked about why i started a blog, it’s so i can share, have a space to express myself and whatever else i feel i’d like to post. So i made it, had decent momentum for a total of 3 posts and an about me, and that was kinda it. It’s not that i’ve been devoid of ideas to write about, but more so that i get nervous about them.

The idea of being open and willing to share anything that comes to mind freaks me out a little bit. I’m not sure what it is about being perceived in a personal, vulnerable or otherwise very open way is scary to me. Obviously i share many posts across twitter (i’m not calling it X), bluesky, and everywhere else, those are genuine, they’re me, but maybe they’re not so deep?

The past few years have brought very major changes to my life, i started anew, faced extremely difficult challenges, and spent a whole lot of time physically alone. Holidays came and went, as they do, and since they’ve made their rounds recently (my christmas tree desperately needs to come down), my birthday is on its way and i’m scared to admit the way some of this makes me feel.

It’s quite vulnerable to openly admit to everyone i know that being physically far from every human you care about kinda sucks. i’ll write about this when i’m ready i think, but for now i’m stalling by writing this one. I’m uncertain if it’s appropriate to write about the changes i made, they were hard but they were needed and i landed in a much happier, healthier place. The isolation isn’t a direct result necessarily, but it still kinda sucks.

Back to my point, I want to share here but i’m nervous to do so. Maybe since i’m not doing extraordinary, not-so-deeply-personal things daily, my ideas aren’t so easy to put out there. I’d love to write “small adventures” or “restaurant experiences this month”, i don’t know if i’m making the right point here but what i’m trying to say is right now i don’t have that. Plus, it’s been cold outside which hasn’t helped any of it.

Perhaps i’ll explore some prompts to write about but the problem with those is i’d like to feel inspired by them. I’m not here to generate crap just for the heck of it. Like i said before, i’m here to be genuine, open, and to have a good time. I know this post is a whole lot of nothing, i wanted to keep it a bit vague for now and just touch on the whys rather than the what’s that i’ll eventually put somewhere. maybe. i don’t know. Anyways, thanks for reading, as always.

your friend,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *